Ah Christmastime. The season of lights, good cheer, and cozying up next to the fireplace. All of these things can be enjoyed on your own, but if you are single and ready to jingle, you might be wishing you had a special someone to share them with. Before you start begging Santa to bring you a date, try these 5 holiday dating tips.
1. Get festive with your flirting.
Flirting in real life is one of the best ways to make progress towards your goal of saying goodbye to single. Luckily, during the holiday season, you have some advantages.
If you have chosen to be in the prize role (see my free dating guide for details), then your flirting will be strengthened by big smiles, warm eye contact, and a sensual appearance. In short, pursuers are looking for welcoming radiance.
How do you achieve a welcoming radiance, you ask? Your best bet is to spend time doing things that make you feel relaxed, happy, and taken care of. Focus on treating your 5 senses, rather than being productive.
If you are a fan of the holiday season, there are lots of opportunities to indulge your sensual self. To treat your eyes, take a stroll and view the Christmas lights or go window shopping and enjoy the festive displays. Freshly baked cookies or scented candles can tickle your nose. For your sense of touch, get cozy in a fuzzy sweater or soft scarf. A pursuer will notice how tempting you look.
You get the picture – use whatever you enjoy about the season to help make yourself feel good.
For prizes, it’s very important that you regularly take time to feel good, especially if you are working a day job. You need to balance the directive, decisive, “take charge” energy that you use at work with a softer, receptive, passive energy to attract a pursuer.
If you want to be in the pursuer role, take advantage of the season to bring a little extra romance to your dating. Ask someone to join you for hot chocolate instead of coffee, or try a light-hearted activity like skating. Remember: as the pursuer you are looking for prizes that are signalling you to say hello and invite them on a date – but you need to step up and do your part. Notice how adorable your potential prize looks in their pom-pommed toque and pay them a compliment.
2. Say “yes” to as many holiday invites as you can handle.
Now that you’re all relaxed, looking great, and ready to date, it’s time to go where the people are! ‘Tis the season for parties, dinners, concerts, you name it. While you might feel shy about attending these events solo, they are fantastic opportunities to put yourself in front of people.
A common tendency for daters is to put all their hopes into an event, imagining *this* is the time that they will meet the person of their dreams (NYE feels, anyone?). Of course it can happen that way – and my Christmas wish for you is that it does – but I typically lean towards a more pragmatic approach.
When attending mix and mingle events, I recommend framing your purpose as making time to practice dating skills. Practice flirting, practice courting, practice being in the relationship role you chose.
Every relationship has its own dynamic energy. You might notice you feel more talkative with one person, more shy with another, more assertive with someone, and more passive with someone else. This is true regardless of whether the person you are relating to is a potential date.
What this means for your holiday party hopping is that no matter who you are interacting with, it is a great opportunity to practice being in the prize or pursuer role. If you are practicing your prize skills, focus on making eye contact and smiling with folks when you enter the room. Aim to let others initiate conversation with you and then let them lead.
You might feel a bit uneasy at first, but over time this approach can actually feel like a relief. When you attend an event, it’s not all on you to introduce yourself to everyone or try to impress them.
Of course, if you want to practice being the pursuer, then introducing yourself and impressing people is exactly what you should be doing!
No matter what role you choose, practice makes progress (no need to be perfect!). Give it a go while you’re out at bigger events and your next casual coffee shop encounter will seem like a breeze in comparison.
3. Get back on their radar with a holiday hello.
If you’ve been following along with the relationship roles discussion, you know that as a pursuer you are responsible for initiating contact and inviting people on dates; as a prize, you aim to be patient and available for dates when invited.
Well, for all the prizes out there who struggle with just sitting still and waiting to be asked out (*raises hand*), I’ve got good news for you! The holidays are a great time to shake things up and reach out to someone (or two or three…) who’s been on your mind.
Sometimes when we are dating, we feel a pretty good connection with someone but for whatever reason we don’t hear from them. Maybe they are ghosting you, but maybe not; sometimes we just fall off a person’s radar, or maybe we didn’t indicate our availability clearly enough.
While, as a prize, you don’t want to make the mistake of switching roles and pursuing this person, there is a loophole. You can choose to send them a cordial holiday greeting to remind them that you are out there… and interested!
If you want to go this route, keep it simple and friendly. A holiday card or a “Merry Christmas!” text message is all you need – whatever feels comfortable, natural, and fairly casual. As the prize, you still want to leave it to the pursuer to initiate a date, but presenting yourself as someone who loves celebrating holidays and is happy to connect, is appropriate to your role.
And for the pursuers – look for friendly folks who may be signalling their availability. If someone takes the time to send you a holiday message, it doesn’t guarantee that they are interested in you, but why not take a chance and ask them out? You can also take advantage of the season to reach out to your acquaintances, send a holiday hello, and see if they’d like to join you for some fun festivities.
4. Take it easy on the libations
There will be no shortage of social lubricant available this season, but be wary about how that 3rd cup of eggnog might affect your judgment! If you’re in the dating game and playing for keeps, it helps to have your wits about you.
Prizes tend to be a little more bold and forthcoming when intoxicated, whereas pursuers tend to feel a bit more entitled to receive. In other words, the chances of accidentally switching roles when under the influence are higher than usual.
Of course, how you manage your intake is no one’s business but your own. Just be aware of the potential impact to the delicate dance of courtship. You might want to think twice before you’re seeing double.
5. Look for opportunities to request or offer a holiday helping hand.
Amid all the hustle and bustle this season, there are lots of chances to exchange energy with friends, neighbours, and strangers. The energy that you bring to an encounter will set the stage for how you are treated and how the relationship will progress.
For prizes, look for opportunities to request help or recommendations. Maybe you need a gift idea for a family member. Could you ask a potential pursuer for a suggestion? Pursuers love to give advice, be useful, and help others. If you bought one too many parcels and are struggling to carry them to your car, look for a pursuer to give you a hand.
This is not about taking advantage of anyone’s good will – this is about being genuine while living in your receptive, available energy. Recall that as a prize, you need to present opportunities and invitations for pursuers to make their advances.
Conversely, if you want to be a pursuer, keep your eyes open for chances to be helpful. Open the door for someone whose arms are full of shopping bags; offer your arm to someone crossing an icy parking lot. Simple gestures like these may seem stereotypically chivalrous, but they indicate that you are a generous, good-natured, helpful person. Turns out those are pretty attractive qualities in a life partner.
Who knows, a helping hand here and a ‘thank you’ there might just ignite that special spark. So get on out there and jingle up some holiday cheer! Before you know it, you’ll be under the mistletoe kissing your single days goodbye.
Need some one-on-one help with your specific situation? Contact me and let’s discuss. I’d love to work with you!